I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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