it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Text me some of your sweat
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
