I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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