im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
