Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
