I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
