im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
