im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
