This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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