i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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