I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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