My sheets look like a crime scene.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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