i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
