I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
