I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Sorry about my life...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
