your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
