The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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