I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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