Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
