i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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