I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
