Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
