so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
