both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
