Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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