I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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