i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
