can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
