I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
