I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
