Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
