new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
