Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
