So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
