I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
