i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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