i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
