i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
