you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
