i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
