drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
