I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
This baby is an asshole
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
