yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
