Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
