im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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