Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My liver is preforming stress tests.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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