why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
