i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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