If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
