is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
