Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
