Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
